she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
