he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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