I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
