I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
