I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
