I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
