Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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