You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
