yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
