You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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