New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
