he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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