I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
