well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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