This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
