three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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