well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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