Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
