so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Do you remember whose house we're in?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
