Pants 0. Shit 1.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
