And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
