Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
