i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
