Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
