I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I have peed in a lot of sinks
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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