I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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