Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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