he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
