Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
