I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
