I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
