did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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