Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
