If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
her vagine was all disorganized.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
