Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
