My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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