Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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