I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
