So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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