If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
