I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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