well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
