Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
