oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
