What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Drunk is a universal language darling
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
