All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize
