My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
