he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
