The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
