sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
